A Brief Update on the Therapist Search

In case you’re following the search for a therapist saga, here is where things currently stand with my 3 prospects:

I met with S yesterday. She was really sweet and she definitely has the empathy thing down but I don’t think attunement was there. The conversation had no flow. And she was too passive in helping things along sometimes. She also relies pretty much entirely on the therapeutic alliance. I get that technique, according to research, isn’t as important as the relationship but… my analytical brain needs some technique. Oh! Also, I could not get down with her office set up. It was in an insurance building, in a tiny square room, with a tiny square folding table. Like, we should have been playing bridge, not talking deep, dark secrets. I hate the whole, desk/table between us thing.

R: now this one breaks my heart a little bit. She just moved here from Missouri and doesn’t yet have her licence to practice in this state. She does have distance credentials so she can do video sessions and phone sessions; however, she let me know that she doesn’t want to start working with me in that way. She was incredibly reassuring that it was nothing personal and that she does think we are a good fit. She just believes that since I was recently hurt in a therapeutic relationship and so much is in flux for me right now, teletherapy wouldn’t provide the right kind of support. So, she and I are staying in touch. But, who knows when she will be set up with her own practice and license here. And, who knows if I want to go that long without a therapist. I think I could. I feel like I’m actually doing pretty well right now.

Dr. W and I are set to meet today, right after I get off work. So, she is still in the running for now. She may be a good person to work with until R is ready. Is that wrong though? To see one therapist, knowing eventually I’ll move on to another? I don’t know. It could either be good or bad for progress. I wouldn’t get attached, that’s for sure.

That’s really all. I’ll update the Dr. W portion after I meet with her later today. In the interim, I’m holding out hope…

cpt_1509680899933
A page from the sketchbook I was using in therapy

And, since she is why I am on this hunt, an update on C. She emailed me again while I was on vacation. She was a bit warmer and expressed understanding that this has been difficult for me. Maybe she is coming around. I’m not going back there but it does make me feel a little better, seeing the human in her again. I just also know, if she had really cared the rupture could have been fixed. I told her precisely what I needed to fix it and I don’t think I was unreasonable. I don’t know, maybe she was just a “for a reason” person. You know, that saying about people come into your life for a reason, a season, blah, blah. I definitely learned to trust my instincts more. And, I learned that I am stronger than I thought. I can walk away from an unhealthy attachment and not fall apart.

13 Thoughts

  1. Thank you for sharing. As someone who’s now had 3 therapists, I understand just how crucial the relationship is. Environment is a big one for me, too; my current one has a lovely, well-lit room, scented candle in the corner, and facing a large window/patio. She’s also into her art/creativity/tapping into the subconscious stuff. It feels like a good match and – whereas I was finding sessions with my last therapist were going stale – I think there is something about timing… I hit it off with her straightaway, and was just *ready* to talk about certain things I hadn’t addressed with my last therapist. Good luck – I really hope it works out for you, whatever happens.

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  2. I agree. And not only are you not falling apart, but it sounds like you’re handling the therapist search with a lot of self-awareness, which has got to be tough to do after the disaster with C.

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    1. I guess it has been tough, when I think about it… But I will say, it’s helped that each of the therapists I’ve talked to since I’ve remarked on how insightful I am and that actually helps with the validation thing. Thank you for the compliment on the self-awareness.

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  3. I can’t believe that C reached out to you, unprompted! It would be one thing if you emailed her first and then she responded, but to just email you seems to infringe upon the space and boundaries and self-regulation you are trying to establish for your own sake. Personally, I hate “for a reason” people. It’s a smokescreen that merely absolves one from taking responsibility for their actions and the way they hurt others. It’s a very selfish and self-serving way to live in this world. Best of luck on your search – maybe Dr. W will surprise you!

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      1. Ha! Well I’m still waiting for mine… regardless, I think once you make the decision to go, you should just go and try not to look back if you can help it. I don’t think C will be able to give you anything that amounts to closure or resolution. Some impasses just can’t be navigated and you are better off not expending anymore energy in toxic spaces.

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  4. I agree with Mary and it was the first thought that came to mind. Considering how firm she was in her boundaries the last little while when you were her client what right does she have to reach out to you now?

    I feel like she’s wanting you to confirm what she believes and that is that nothing is her fault? I still don’t believe she’s willing to own her part of it. What she’s doing by reaching out seems cruel. I don’t like it. I don’t think it’s fair. I think she is still causing damage by doing it.

    I wonder if your new therapist would agree or maybe it’s just me having a bad day. :/

    Good luck with your search. You deserve better than C.

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  5. I agree with Mary, very odd that she reached out on her own. I don’t know, makes me feel uneasy. But good for you for sticking to what you need on this. It sounds like you’ve been able to keep a very rational mind throughout this search and I hope that you find someone who is a suitable match. You very much deserve that!

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