The Search for a Therapist Saga, Part 2

I was going to just update the old post for the final verdict but I figured why not just create a new post. This is how today went:

Dr. W was running a little behind, so my session ran over a bit. Not a big deal for me. Certainly not a deal breaker.

She doesn’t seem like a particularly warm individual but she was level-headed and patient.

She was assertive enough that none of the silences became awkward. She asked questions but did not push me when I wasn’t comfortable answering.

Her office was nice and comfortable enough, though I had a migraine so it was a little too bright for my tastes in that moment. Verdict will remain out on that one until April 5th.

She is okay with email and text though I don’t think I’ll be using those things. Because I was burned before.

Her techniques are ones I didn’t personally align with when I took theory so I’ll need to brush up on those to know what I am getting myself into.

I decided to go ahead and give her a shot. She checks enough of the boxes. I think she will be good, at least until the counselor I really want to work with is available. I’m genuinely holding out for R. There was just something about her that clicked for me. She was the right amount of warm and sensible.

Anyway, I already have homework from Dr. W and it is on actual paper… written words! I was like, “Yes!” I love that. I don’t remember any freaking thing unless I can see it, so this works well. I think this is good for now. But I’m not going to get overly invested or attached. I don’t think that would serve me well in this relationship. I don’t want to attach to another therapist that lacks warmth. And anyway, maybe attachment isn’t the best thing for me? I don’t know.

The bummer side of things: she has a psy.DĀ  so she charges more which means I must use insurance and she must make a diagnosis. At this point she is submitting the diagnoses as Major depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder… no surprise there. I do wonder, it’s always been spoken but never made official, why are mental health professionals so hesitant to diagnose PTSD officially? My psych straight up said, “You definitely have C-PTSD/PTSD.” But then that was never coded on my insurance claims. Is it, perhaps, to protect me from any stigma associated with the diagnosis? What is the stigma? Things for me to ponder.

I’ve had way too much caffeine trying to get rid of this migraine, sorry if this was rambley.

16 Thoughts

  1. Ah, I’m glad you’ve hopefully found a decent-enough solution in the interim, whilst you wait for that therapist you really want. My diagnosis was/is also depression and anxiety. I’ve met a few people with a PTSD diagnosis. I can’t answer why she seemed reluctant to diagnose you as that… maybe she just wasn’t sure, and needs to get to know you better before she starts to throw ‘PTSD’ into the mix. Either way, good luck, sounds like you’re going in the right direction, which is really the most important thing āœØ

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you’re right about the diagnosis. I don’t really want or need the diagnosis but was definitely curious since my psychiatrist was so quick to verbalize it as a certainty.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s interesting. To be honest, I see my psychiatrist like every 3 months now (was a bit more frequent before), and I find that his role is a more quick, decisive summary. The therapeutic relationship is very different – and I’m guess they also don’t have the pressure of having to “put you in a box” so quickly.


          1. Well, I was a weeping mess the last time I went in and apparently when I cry it’s scary/worrisome. I think because I am like a silent, calm, tears just stream down my face crying type.


  2. Hopefully it’ll work out ok with Dr. W. In terms of the diagnosis, I wonder if C-PTSD wasn’t used because it hasn’t made it’s way into the DSM and ICD diagnostic systems yet, which could mean there isn’t an insurance code for it.


  3. My new therapist is the complete opposite of the ex-therapist. And I have no attachment to her – there is connection, but not attachment. There is a difference. Anyways, I’ve found it relieving, especially after the intense attachment that preceded it. Maybe this is what you need in a “rebound” therapist.


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