What’s one thing you can do for yourself today that will contribute to your overall well-being? I know for a lot of us that something is likely to be a thing for our mental health, maybe journal, keep a therapy appointment, listen to music, create art, watch a movie, reach out for support, focus on mindfulness activities, read, take our meds, etc. There are a ton of things to do for our mental health and they’re all so good and so necessary because they’re the beginning. They’re the start of a fully embodied experience of health. At least, that’s my hope.
I, however, have done things a bit backwards. I focused on my body. I stubbornly persisted until I was physically healthy.
Once I was physically strong it struck me that I wasn’t doing what I needed to do in order to also be mentally strong, so I got into therapy. We all know how that turned out. I don’t say that to imply my therapy was all bad. On the contrary, I’ve made great progress, regardless of whether or not it could be attributed to the help of C or if it was more about being thrown out on my own.
I got worse at first, in therapy. I cut more. I became dependent and attached. That’s why the boundaries stuff hurt so bad. I was overly involved in the relationship and I wasn’t doing the work for myself. I do that. I find someone, hope they’ll rescue me and so I become helpless. But I get it now, I’m the only one who can save me. The way C went about reasserting necessary boundaries was absolutely painful and wrong, that doesn’t change. But I get why it had to happen. It forced me to make choices. It forced me to own the agency I have over my own life.
That’s what I’m doing now, for myself, with my financial health, my mental health, and my physical health. Being agential. I’ve done this crazy thing: became a consultant for Rodan and Fields. It’s this skincare company. I let a friend from high school talk me into taking the leap. We will see what it amounts to but if it amounts to something then it provides me with a little more financial certainty in a time of great uncertainty. I’m sure I’ll post more about this when I receive the products and am able to try them for myself. Yes, I leapt in blind faith. Trust me, however, whatever I discover about the products and whatever I say here will be honest and unfiltered.
Here’s what I’m thinking. This may not work out, may amount to nothing. Even if it doesn’t, I’m okay with that because it’s something I’m doing for myself. And because I have never had a skincare regimen. And I need something tangible right now.
I’ve also decided, as soon as it’s financially possible, I’m going to do the yoga teacher training. I want my life to be filled with the things I love. I want to give back through the things I love. I want my living and my life to be congruent. I’m tired of being tired. I want to be healthy in a fully realized sort of way.