This morning, during my coffee routine, I wrote about being grumbly and up early for Wanderlust. I made light of being up before the light because I was excited to try something new. But, Texas had other plans for we yogis today. It was a windy 40 something degrees. Texans are not used to this kind of weather in April and especially not just following a tornado warning and 80 degree weather the day before. Our weather is capricious to say the least.
The cold wasn’t such a big deal for the 5k. Once we got moving in a mass of humans our bodies generated enough heat to contain some warmth. And, what cold that did linger was worth the view of the skyline.
But after we got back to our mats that was a different story. The wind was blowing so hard that our mats had all flown every which way. It was like we were in a windtunnel of industrial edifices. 40 degrees with a 20 degree windchill. By the time yoga started an hour post-5k my fingers and toes were like icicles. I literally couldn’t feel them. I was only able to make it through about 5 poses before I couldn’t take anymore. I tapped out, said goodbye to my yoga neighbor, then left. I wasn’t much in the mood for peopling anymore anyway, not after I got a random, crappy email from C. She told me that due to the nature of our relationship she would no longer respond to any forms of correspondence. I was dumbstruck by this because in my last email to her I literally said I had found peace with where we were and I wouldn’t be contacting her anymore. It was like she had to have the last word. It had to be her choice. She just couldn’t let me have that one thing! Of course, had it not been for my yoga neighbor I would have immediately shame spiralled. As it was, the spiral didn’t happen until I reached my car. There were a lot of tears as I thawed out.
I cried for hours. I spiralled hard. I thought how awful must I be that she felt the need to make it official that we no longer communicate. I thought I must truly be too much. I must really be bad. I thought that if I were bad then I must deserve all the other times people left me and hurt me. I must deserve them because they’re punishment. I thought and I thought all the awful things. No one will ever love me. I’m truly mad. Not even someone I paid to care could muster some concern. Things weren’t looking good.
My day was pretty much shot. But, hey, at least the 5k was good and the mat company was nice.