Yesterday, I decided suicide was the answer to my problem of me being me. But I also decided yesterday wasn’t the right time, that I had affairs to get in order first.
If you’re wondering where all that came from it was a combination of the C thing and the former friend who recommended her unleashing on me. And a current friend seemingly agreeing with what the former friend unleashed. This former friend is the same one involved in the When Hurt People, Hurt People incident.
The conversation has me stumped. There is truth there and then there is a lot that I feel is unfair, righteous judgement (which then makes me wonder if that is the whole “victim mentality”). I am going to post the conversation here for you all. What do you think? How would you feel if someone you used to be really close to told you those things? How do I know where the truth is and where the anger is because I do think some of her words are coming from a place of anger. (Oh and I decided I’m not editing out therapist’s name or the “friend”).
I conceded but I feel like she also can’t possibly know all the progress I’ve made lately and she can’t know how wrong things went in the therapeutic relationship. And I don’t think that stuff was my fault. It was my therapist’s responsibility to make and maintain appropriate boundaries and she didn’t. It was her responsibility to help me with my shit and not abandon me with it. So, sorry, if that makes me seem like I am playing the victim. It just… ugh… I don’t even know. Help, please?