Depression is like…

Have you seen the movie Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy? There is this scene where the depressed robot shoots the Vagons with this gun that transfers his experience to them. They suddenly embody his depression. After my recent bad day, I actually find the depiction pretty damn accurate, if not a little over-the-top for comedic value.

When the Vagons are shot they all fall to the ground and groan:

“Oh, I feel so depressed”

“I can’t face it anymore”

“What’s the point?”

I don’t know about anyone else’s depression but this is pretty damn accurate of my own. Can’t get out of bed. Wonder why I’m even bothering. Don’t feel like I have the energy to keep trying. Just want to lie there and stop existing. So, given that, the fact that the robot keeps going on is kind of a big deal. The fact that we go on despite our own depression is a big deal. Even if going on takes succumbing to days of staying in bed and just crying, quietly (or loudly) contemplating existence and purpose.

This is precisely why I hate when people say it is “selfish to commit suicide”. On this day a year ago I wrote:

Suicide is not selfish.
Just as a btw to anyone who holds the belief that it is…

Generally speaking, people who attempt and/or succeed at committing suicide feel like they’re a burden to others. They probably feel like every one would be better off without them. They are definitely thinking about you; it’s just impossible for them to see how their death would truly affect you, because they don’t see themselves through a positive lens. They might feel unlovable. They might feel permanently broken, not fixable. They might feel like no one could possibly understand their struggle, even if they did have the urge to “burden” someone with it. And the fact that so many people see suicide as selfish indicates that maybe that last line of thinking isn’t too off-base.

Rant over.

I stand by that even more today. Suicide is just getting to the point where a person can no longer see the point, a purpose. He/she has lost their energy and vitality. He/she can’t see love or light anymore. That isn’t his/her fault. I don’t expect that anyone who has never felt this way will get it but it really has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with the soul-sucking nature of depression.

I just wish that others who’ve never experienced depression would take the time to really try to empathize, instead of point fingers. Or, deny the depressed person’s experience. Or, tell the depressed person how difficult they are to help when they aren’t magically fixed the way you think they should be fixed. Those things only make it worse.

6 Thoughts

  1. Have I told you enough that I have so much respect for you? You are always unafraid to approach these topics with real candor. Thank you for this, I have always said that if those of us who think about suicide are selfish for considering leaving those we love, maybe others are selfish for wanting us to continue to live and suffer just so we can be a presence for them. Of course, I do not advocate for suicide, but like you said, I just wish there would be some attempt to really understand and validate where we must be coming from to even consider leaving this Earth. Saying these things shames a person into keeping their thoughts to themselves, instead of reaching out for help when they may need it most.

    Like

    1. You are so absolutely right, it does seem more selfish to expect someone to stay and suffer. I don’t think everyone is capable of seeing it from both sides, which is unfortunate. The answer seems so simple, more compassion, connection, and empathy. But people are often too afraid to touch those dark places inside themselves in order to really understand. Which, of course, gives us shame. And as you said, the shame feeds secrecy.

      Liked by 1 person

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