When I turned in my letter of resignation and my keys this week, I gave up stability in pursuit of living a more authentic life. Initially this was exhilarating. However, today I am feeling an unreal amount of anxiety about the fact that I quit my salaried job with benefits in pursuit of working a job more aligned with my values. I am doing what a lot of people are too afraid of doing and I totally get that fear. There is so much unknown. I got my dream job, teaching yoga at a counseling center where I will be able to get internship hours once I’ve completed my Masters program. Yet, I still have to figure out how I am going to make ends meet come August 31st when I no longer receive a paycheck and no longer have insurance. Because this dream job doesn’t have set hours, doesn’t have benefits; what I make is completely contingent upon how many clients we can bring in and how many classes I can teach. I’ve lived this way before, the last time I was in college. I made ends meet then, so I know I can now, too. But it is still terrifying.
My 25 year old self had way more confidence and trust in the unknown than my 29 year old self. On this day 4 years ago, I made this post:
Epiphany: In just a single moment of clarity I think I may have found myself again. I’ve been wandering along aimlessly for a while now, on some path to nowhere without dreams or vision, just hoping I’d find my way back to where I belong. I’ve come to crossroads while wandering and instead of seeking guidance from myself, asking myself which direction to travel, I started trusting other people’s opinions too much. I let people that think they know me do the guiding. I let them nudge and push me whichever way they thought best. But it’s my life. I think it’s time I start living it again. I’m the only one that really knows what quenches my parched heart and satiates this hungry soul. My dream is the same as it always has been, so what if I finally opened my eyes to reality and I’m actually seeing how difficult it could be to accomplish that dream. Dreams aren’t supposed to be achieved with ease, that wouldn’t teach us anything. It’s about time I stopped following the dream in the dark. It’s about time I start believing in myself again. I’ve never met an obstacle I couldn’t conquer. I don’t see why I should start that nonsense now. I just tired of being lost. I know who I am.
And, I shared this image:
Do you spot the theme? Take risks. Don’t be paralyzed by the big unknown. Believe in yourself. My young self knew what she was talking about in that moment of clarity. I am hoping that when I go pick up my key today and sign my new contract, I find that same courage and clarity. I hope that everyone is able to find some courage today, to do something authentic and true to who you really want to be in this life. Because life really is too short to waste our days in jobs that don’t make us happy. It is too short not to take chances on the things that scare us because those things might be the very things that make all the difference. What we fear, might very well be what leads us to contentment.