Write from your scars, not your wounds

A wise woman said to me today, “if you want to touch others you must write from your scars,  not your wounds.” I realized that the writing I have done recently, on both my blog and my Facebook, has been wound writing. And I realize that writing from this place may have had the very opposite effect than the one I was craving. I think when we write, we all write for connection, whether to help others feel less alone or to help ourselves to feel less alone. But, it seems, when we write from a place of wounds that raw, open, and begging for tending, we risk creating a rift. Because our woundedness draws attention to the woundedness of our readers.

After I was let go from this most recent job, I wrote from a place of woundedness. I’ve been depressed for several weeks, suicidal for several weeks, craving some connection strong enough to keep me alive. It turns out that depression was hormonal. But the devastation it has created in my heart is real. I do attach too easily (or I don’t attach at all) and I was attached to that job and that “employer.” When I wrote from my wounds about the hurt of that loss I didn’t stop to consider how she might be affected, reading those words. I just wanted to be less alone with the pain. I wanted people to know how others hurt in silence. It was really quite selfish posting. I didn’t see it through the tears but I see it now. And I think it is absolutely one of the reasons I was blocked and have been ignored.

If we write, instead, from our scars then the pain has passed. We have hope to offer others. We aren’t looking for healing. We aren’t looking to be taken care of or seen. We are writing for others. And there is something powerful in that. It is my hope that I can be someone who writes of hope and healing. But, that said, and the reason I’m writing this post is because I also realized something else: wordpress is my safe place to write from my wounds.

This is such an amazing community. No matter whether I come to you in tatters or in a warrior’s armor, you embrace me without judgement. You all always meet me exactly where I am. And I am so, so grateful to have this space, to be a part of the community that is able to offer that kind of unconditional positive regard for one another. I hope that I return the favor. I hope that you all share the sentiment that wordpress is a safe space to write from wounds or scars.

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