So, I mentioned in an earlier blog that I was going to look into EMDR. I had already seen one therapist and after intake she insisted that I do comprehensive DBT because there is 24/7 access to the therapists. I do not, however, want 24/7 access to anyone. I value my autonomy and independence. I’m not entirely sure where she got the impression that I wanted that level of care. Despite that, I saw the therapist she recommended. She seemed nice enough, kind of abrasive, but still nice. We talked about the fact that she thought I needed group and individual which doesn’t really work for me temporally (in terms of time) or monetarily (in terms of money). So, I compromised and am working through DBT with a talkspace therapist who I have access to 5 times a week.
I thought that given that, I could then start work with the EMDR therapist but she pretty clearly expressed that she strongly feels I need the comprehensive DBT and she doesn’t want to work with me. That kind of hurt my feelings. It felt like a personal rejection. Like, am I really that awful?! Despite that I didn’t give up. I told her thanks but I respectfully disagree. And then I looked elsewhere for a therapist. It is my health and I get to choose what I do with it. I am high functioning and well educated. I am the best person to advocate for my needs and I won’t let someone push me into something that doesn’t suit my needs, just because it makes the most sense to them. They don’t know me how I know me.
So, I met with another therapist yesterday. I am on the fence about her. She is an intern, so not too much further ahead in her education/career than I am which made her easy to relate to and talk with; however, the session felt almost too much like just a conversation with a friend. She didn’t remember to cover the limits of confidentiality during intake, I had to remind her and that was before she knew I was a counseling student. And, I’m not sure the level of self-disclosure was a healthy level of self-disclosure. I already know that her mother has BPD, that the counselor was with a marine in her teens, that she cheated on him with a woman, that she has cats, that her mother tries to get her to engage in a counseling relationship with her, that she let the sister of her marine ex live with her for a while and the marine ex stopped talking to the sister because of that, etc. It was a lot. Granted, most of it got me to open up more about my own stuff, so it wasn’t without purpose. I don’t know though. I’m stuck on this one. She doesn’t have reservations about working with me which is good. She also is willing to hear me out about things I learn that I feel can be applied to my care, which is one of the things I appreciate most about my psychiatrist, that it feels truly collaborative. So, I’d like that in therapy as well. But I am afraid I need something less jovial and more nurturing and structured. What do y’all make of the level of self disclosure? If it were your appointment would you give it a few more sessions or would you look elsewhere?