An Update (because I can’t sleep)

Hello loves,

It is currently 4:11 am where I am located. And, I can’t sleep. So, I figured I would give everyone an update. I know I have been pretty quiet lately. I’ve just been trying to recharge after my summer semester.

School:

I will start with school since it is fresh on my mind. I got 3 A’s and 1 B.

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I am currently in the process of contesting the B.  The professor waited to the literal last minute to do the grading, didn’t respond to emails, and took the course down while he did the grading so students wouldn’t receive notification. One of my major assignments was 29 minutes late because it was during the week my internet wasn’t working and I had to travel to coffee shops to work and submit (which, granted, I should have done sooner). 29 minutes apparently loses a person a full days worth of points. He took 10% off my assignment.

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Had I known that would be the case, I would have kept the assignment for the extra 23 hours and made it better so that I would have still recieved an A, even with the point deduction. But, I had no way to know. I find that to be incredibly unethical.

Work:

I did get offered a job working for a crisis line; however, I haven’t decided whether or not I plan to take the job. I have to decide this week though. If I do take the job it means being part of a phone line and a mobile crisis unit, going out to evaluate people’s level of risk. The job also means me having to move 120+ miles east. And I just really don’t want to have to move. Plus, when I get to internship there are way more opportunities where I am now, so moving for a year and then moving back sounds really daunting.

I am thinking it might be best to wait and try to find a job here. It will take more time because rules for credentialing are more strict but I have some time, monetarily.

Relationships:

Technically I am in one but I’ve not been a very good girlfriend. I don’t make time like I should. I recharge alone, so it is problematic being with an extrovert, who recharges in the company of others.

Therapy:

Group is going well. I really adore my group therapist and all the members of group. They’re so sweet and thoughtful. I am incredibly glad I stuck it out even though it was emotionally taxing in the beginning.

Individual is not going so well. I have this horrendous inability to trust therapists. I don’t know why my group therapist is the exception. And apparently so is one of my professors who is also a therapist, just not mine. I trust both of them. But with my new individual (I see her today, which will be appt # 4), I want to trust her, I just can’t. I feel like she has these preconceived notions about me which are completely inaccurate and unfair. I plan to discuss these feelings with her today, so we shall see how that goes.

Meds:

All is well in the land of pharmaceuticals. I think we finally found a combination that, while not helping me to be “happy” does level my mood out substantially.

If you’re curious what the combination is, it is Celexa (an SSRI) and Latuda (this one is, I believe, an atypical anti-psychotic). Also, xanax as needed; however, I have been weaning myself off that one because I felt I was becoming dependent. I also have ambien for sleep but it is just a small part of my, apparently ineffective, sleep arsenal.

I do want to raise the issue of weight gain with my psych again. She is probably going to say some BS about fat but happy again but whatever. I gained significantly less on this combination of meds than the last but it makes a combined total of 15 pounds which is a lot for my 5′ 3″ frame. My joints are starting to hurt again and yoga has become more difficult.

Yoga:

Speaking of yoga, this will be my last piece. I graduate from yoga teacher training Aug. 25th, which is fast approaching. I’m excited. I’ve got some hours to make up because my BP did that awesome thing where it drops below an appropriate level to function. And then I got kidney stones. But, that is okay. I’m just taking it all in stride. Enjoying every moment I do have with the lovely ladies walking the journey together.

Overall, things in life are pretty okay. Completely unremarkable.

9 Thoughts

  1. 3 A’s and a B….that’s absolutely FANTASTIC!!!
    I agree with contesting the B. If those were the rules, he should have layed them out at the beginning in the class syllabus. If he refuses to change it though, a B is still really awesome.
    I wonder if group feels easier to you because you aren’t as exposed? One on one therapy is all about you whereas with group you have power in numbers. Either way, I’m glad you’re doing well with it.
    It seems like your summer is ending on a high note. I’m so happy for you considering all the stuff you’ve gone through lately.
    Good on you KD!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, I’d be stoked about 3 A’s and a B if I felt like that was what I really earned. If I have to settle for the B, I definitely will let it go, but this guy is my advisor, too. So, I am working toward switching advisors.

      I had that thought, too, about group. I think it is a really good point and absolutely part of it. I’ve met with the group therapist individually though, too, and the safety carries over. The woman looks at me and I melt. Lol

      Like

  2. I agree with Kerry, while he can grade at his discretion, professors should be noting that in your syllabus ahead of time so you are aware of it. Even if you can’t get the grade changed, I hope you are so proud of what you accomplished! I am glad to hear that group is going well, and I hope you’ll be able to come to a place of trust with your ind. therapist. It’s hard when you’ve been burned in the past in therapy, I could see trust being difficult and perhaps out of your control even when you want to trust them. This is a different person than Dr. W, right?
    Congrats on everything with yoga! I’m so glad that you’ve found a place of comfort with that. No more kidney stones I hope, I know from experience that those are the WORST.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re so right. He doesn’t even have a late policy listed in the syllabus.

      She is different from Dr. W, since I wanted to try EMDR. Things were okay at first with this one but then she did a few things that really rubbed me the wrong way. I hate that I am like this but every little thing is up for scrutiny in that room.

      Kidney stones are the worst! I’m sorry you’ve had them, too. They’re awful! And I still have one nasty bugger I haven’t passed yet but I can still function with it bounding around in there. The doc gave me something for the nausea and pain.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh that’s even worse the waiting. I hope you’re through this soon. The meds never help me, and after 11 days the last one got stuck and had to be removed surgically. I’ll think good thoughts for you!

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