I’m perplexed, nervous, and also excited by some changes happening in my therapy. Curious y’alls thoughts, experiences.
I’ve been seeing my therapist for about 2 years. We’ve always sat on opposite sides of the room (or have been virtual). Recently she has offered to come sit by me on the couch. I declined because closeness scares me. She has offered a hug. I declined. I did ask for one the next session though and she accepted. Last session we sat on the floor, closer to each other than usual. And she asked if I’d like her to hold my hand. I was in the midst of feeling some intense shame that had me pretty disconnected. I vigorously shook my head no to that one too though. I mean, yes, it would have been soothing… and also, terrifying! My stomach was immediately in knots when she asked and I instinctively moved away from her after she asked. Thank you trauma for filling me with fear at physical contact. Sigh.
I’m just kind of in this weird space of… I do want all of these changes and closeness… and also confused by where it is coming from. It wasn’t a part of our relationship for 2 years. Maybe it makes sense to her since we also talked about therapy love this year… and kind of both agreed that it was a safe, natural thing. Maybe she can sense that I don’t want to have to reparent my inner wounded child alone and is offering to help… I just don’t know…
What does closeness and touch look like in your therapy? What was the timeline for that? Did y’all ever talk about how and why the changes happened or did it just happen organically?