Patience is Difficult on the Long Journeys

Have you ever beat yourself up for not being further along than you thought you should be? Or, maybe you did get there but then you took 2 steps backward? Maybe you lost 12 pounds but then you gained 5 back. Maybe you managed not to cut for 2 months but then you slipped up [...]

Let me Grow to Maturity in Missouri

This morning I sat curled up in the fetal position, in an old wooden chair, in an unfamiliar place, having Thai tea instead of my normal morning coffee/protein shake. In the midst of all this unknown, I was awed by the beauty all around me. I thought for a second, maybe this is what growth [...]

There is no “suddenly” about positive change

Change is bloody hard. Sometimes it feels downright impossible. This is especially true for positive, lasting change. I've been thinking a lot about this since quitting therapy with C. I keep asking myself, "did I bail for the right reasons?" Because I dedicated myself to the therapy process. I told myself I was going to [...]

Meandering Down the Path of Wonder

Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if a certain thing never happened or you had never met a certain person or if you were somewhere else at a specific time? I think this is natural right? To wonder about how things could have been different. But, for some of us we [...]

Sanctuary from a Dim World

Sometimes even the brightest lights don't shine quite as brightly as they usually do. Even the sun is obscured today, making for a world that is literally and figuratively dim. The fog has been acting as a thick blanket this week, effectively erasing tall buildings, cars, people. It's a strange experience of the world. My [...]

A Lifetime of Running from My Own Presence

Therapy is a lot like school: there is homework. But, it's life homework. Presumably the kind of thing that makes us better versions of who we already are. I don't know. I haven't decided if there is truth to that but I'm doing the homework anyway. Because I've always been a tenacious student and I'll [...]

The Bravery of Choosing to Live

I want to speak candidly about something society tells us we aren't allowed to talk about because it's dark and scary: suicide. What if, every morning when you woke up, you had to choose to keep living? You had to choose to make your lungs keep drawing in air. You had to choose not to [...]