BPD and Boundaries

Forewarning, I am about to say some controversial shit! The general consensus when working with or being in relationship with someone who has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) is to have strong boundaries. What this often translates into is rigid boundaries. And, let me tell you, if that isn't the worst thing I've seen for people [...]

Self-Compassion Letter

My TS therapist has been trying to get me to write a self-compassion letter for ages. I haven't done it because I'm stubborn and it seemed difficult. After a few tough weeks of no therapy and then a few tough weeks of therapy, she brought the letter up again. This time I figured I would [...]

I’m Human and I’m not Sorry

After my first year in the Clinical Mental Health Counseling graduate program at UT Tyler, I recieved this as my annual review results: I met expectations and exceeded expectations on every category. This year, the faculty decided that I did not meet expectations in almost all areas. These are the results I recieved today: If [...]

Gratitude and The Sh*t I Don’t Want to Say

This post serves two purposes: I want to celebrate the incredible gifts I've received in therapy but I also want to explore my story, the shit I don't want to say. I've been down lately, in one of the valleys of my recovery. I've built this incredible foundation in my team of mental health professionals [...]

My Truth: Living w/Passive SI

Today was a big day for me. It may not be considered a big day for most people but for me, for someone who has struggled for decades with passive suicidal ideation, it is a big deal what I accomplished in these last few minutes. See this line of pills bottles: I've been holding onto [...]

Back to Mental Health Routine

Yesterday I had ALL the mental health appointments. It was so much mental health focus. I had a video session with my group therapist to process some relational stuff there because I've found myself crossing boundaries with her, in a way that doesn't feel authentic to who I believe myself to be. So, we discussed [...]

What is Normal?

Yesterday in my Advanced Psychopathology class we revisited the idea of normalcy and abnormality in relation to mental health. The professor showed us this slide: And he assured us that all of us were "normal" because the department had viewed our applications to the program and we all got in, so nothing sent up any [...]

Life as a Teenage Beauty Queen or Creating the Feminine Machine

This is an old one and a long one but hopefully worth the read still: I would like to invite you on a journey, not across space, but across time, my time, the time I spent living in the body of a teenage beauty queen. This isn't science fiction; there won't be a time machine, [...]

Life Update

I've been doing a lot of waxing philosophical lately and I've got to tell you, it is an avoidance tactic. I kept trying to will myself into this amazing life of hope and enthusiasm. And, for a while it worked. But, not everything has been great. So, here is just a general life update. Group [...]

I am not a single story

I am not every negative thing that has happened to me or been said about me. I am a patchwork girl. I am pieced together from fragments of memories, experiences, and stories. I have been created by all the people I’ve ever loved or hated. And all the people who have loved and hated me. In [...]