An Update

A lot has changed for me recently. I've not been posting much because I've been in a mental space where I feel like everything I say just doesn't come out right, so it is best not to even bother. But, I miss the wordpress community, so I am going to try and summarize where things [...]

Life as a Teenage Beauty Queen or Creating the Feminine Machine

This is an old one and a long one but hopefully worth the read still: I would like to invite you on a journey, not across space, but across time, my time, the time I spent living in the body of a teenage beauty queen. This isn't science fiction; there won't be a time machine, [...]

More Wisdom from my Younger Self

This day, the day that would have been my anniversary, 4 years ago I wrote this: "I realized tonight that I really need to stop apologizing for just being myself. I am a messy, complicated, sensitive, super emotional, overanalyzing human. I'm imperfect. I can be difficult. But, I'm also incredibly loyal. I'm probably excessively generous. [...]

This isn’t where I thought I’d be

As I approach almost 30 years of life and I take inventory of where I have been and where I am, I realize, I am no where I thought I'd be. I never thought at 29 I would be waking up at 7:30am to break-up texts because I wasn't ready to be more physically affection. [...]

Haunted by Nightmares

I've spent years having sleepless nights filled with nightmares. I had almost gotten used to it but then medication offered me a little bit of hope. I stopped having as many nightmares. They were almost gone. And even when I would have them, they wouldn't hit me with such intensity. But, I think, maybe, I've [...]

My Mental Health Team

I think I've finally found the right combination of professionals. I saw my psychiatrist today and she was patient as I refused to produce a urine sample (after the $3220 debacle). And she was patient as I refused to give blood because I just didn't see the point (hello, depression). She was disappointed but gave [...]

Life Update

I've been doing a lot of waxing philosophical lately and I've got to tell you, it is an avoidance tactic. I kept trying to will myself into this amazing life of hope and enthusiasm. And, for a while it worked. But, not everything has been great. So, here is just a general life update. Group [...]

Depression Has No Face

In light of the recent deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, almost everyone is talking about suicide. We all have our own opinions and our own takes on suicide and depression (though suicide doesn't necessarily have to mean the person was struggling with depression; there is just a pretty good chance that was the [...]

Things depression and anxiety will tell you

Things depression and anxiety will tell you, if they're allowed... Depression will tell you that you are as invisible as you feel. Depression will tell you that you aren't good enough. Depression will tell you that no one would miss you if you were gone. Depression will tell you none of it is worth it. [...]

Brain Zaps

Since it is Mental Health Awareness Month and since I recently had an experience with brain zaps, I am going to write a blog about this phenomenon. Hopefully raising awareness. My aim is to save someone from the experience of being completely freaked out when this happens to them. Yesterday, I spoke with my psychiatrist [...]