Life is still happening

I feel like I've been doing an awful job of keeping up with my blog lately. A lot has happened in my life. K and I had our last session. So heartbreaking. I had my first session with J, since K left. It was decent, nothing to phone home about. I'm just hoping the connection [...]

Hiking Therapy

Recently, walk and talk therapy has become a thing. In the wake of K leaving (she and I have our last appt. June 20th), I've considered whether or not I want to stick with EMDR. And, I've considered things like walk and talk therapy because I love the idea of bringing the progress outdoors, where [...]

Gratitude and The Sh*t I Don’t Want to Say

This post serves two purposes: I want to celebrate the incredible gifts I've received in therapy but I also want to explore my story, the shit I don't want to say. I've been down lately, in one of the valleys of my recovery. I've built this incredible foundation in my team of mental health professionals [...]

My Truth: Living w/Passive SI

Today was a big day for me. It may not be considered a big day for most people but for me, for someone who has struggled for decades with passive suicidal ideation, it is a big deal what I accomplished in these last few minutes. See this line of pills bottles: I've been holding onto [...]

EMDR today

I haven't been sharing much about my therapy journey anymore because, well, it has mostly been about putting out the fires in my present life. But, today I got to process some past stuff with EMDR. I've been in therapy for several months now and we have used EMDR to process some present traumas but [...]

Asking for what we need

I had therapy with K yesterday. I was going to tell her that it had to be our last session, that I couldn't afford anymore. But then, she just said and did all the right things. I couldn't walk away. So, we set an appointment for 3 weeks from now, when I should have money [...]

Ghosts

Do you believe in ghosts? Yes, I mean the kind that go bump in the night. The specters caught between real and not real, past and present, energy diverted. I just watched Haunting of Hill House on Netflix and it made me think. I thought of the fine line between what's real and what's not. [...]

A lot of change…

Again, it has been a while since I've written. I think the last I checked in, it was on the J thing (me trying to persuade her to have me for individual). Her first response was via phone, so I couldn't share that. But, after some deep soul searching I realized what I needed from [...]

Broken Heart

Well, J called me yesterday at 1:30PM and told me that she didn't think it was ethical to agree to be my individual therapist. I expected that to be the answer but I had hope that she would be different. My heart is broken. She is just another person, in a string of people, who [...]

Some Random Ramblings

First thing is first, I'm sorry I've not been around much. I'm trying to periodically read posts, like them, and comment. I want you all to know I'm still about, supporting you and quietly cheering you all on as you progress in your individual journeys. I've been even worse at actually creating posts. I've been [...]