Self-Compassion Letter

My TS therapist has been trying to get me to write a self-compassion letter for ages. I haven't done it because I'm stubborn and it seemed difficult. After a few tough weeks of no therapy and then a few tough weeks of therapy, she brought the letter up again. This time I figured I would [...]

I’m Human and I’m not Sorry

After my first year in the Clinical Mental Health Counseling graduate program at UT Tyler, I recieved this as my annual review results: I met expectations and exceeded expectations on every category. This year, the faculty decided that I did not meet expectations in almost all areas. These are the results I recieved today: If [...]

My Truth: Living w/Passive SI

Today was a big day for me. It may not be considered a big day for most people but for me, for someone who has struggled for decades with passive suicidal ideation, it is a big deal what I accomplished in these last few minutes. See this line of pills bottles: I've been holding onto [...]

Poem: Scars

Trigger warning: Self harm This was written to be spoken word poetry put to music and such; maybe some day I'll do that but for now, here it is in its plain ole typed form. Scars   I am not my scars Or any of the things that have happened to me. I'm not the [...]

A Lifetime of Running from My Own Presence

Therapy is a lot like school: there is homework. But, it's life homework. Presumably the kind of thing that makes us better versions of who we already are. I don't know. I haven't decided if there is truth to that but I'm doing the homework anyway. Because I've always been a tenacious student and I'll [...]

Dehumanized: I Become My Mental Illness

The last place one would expect to be dehumanized and belittled because of Mental Illness is at a hospital. Or, at least that's what I would have thought. Apparently I was wrong. The medical community doesn't have compassion for people with mental health issues. They're clueless. And, they're causing more harm than they're doing good. [...]

You’ve Got to be Willing to Risk Failure

Tonight I realized two things: 1) If I want to see myself grow, I've got to be willing to risk failure. I have to be willing to venture into the unknown, to walk away from all my familiar surroundings. 2) For years, I have been adamant that I wouldn't believe in God because God was [...]