Self-Compassion Letter

My TS therapist has been trying to get me to write a self-compassion letter for ages. I haven't done it because I'm stubborn and it seemed difficult. After a few tough weeks of no therapy and then a few tough weeks of therapy, she brought the letter up again. This time I figured I would [...]

I’m Human and I’m not Sorry

After my first year in the Clinical Mental Health Counseling graduate program at UT Tyler, I recieved this as my annual review results: I met expectations and exceeded expectations on every category. This year, the faculty decided that I did not meet expectations in almost all areas. These are the results I recieved today: If [...]

My Truth: Living w/Passive SI

Today was a big day for me. It may not be considered a big day for most people but for me, for someone who has struggled for decades with passive suicidal ideation, it is a big deal what I accomplished in these last few minutes. See this line of pills bottles: I've been holding onto [...]

Poem: Scars

Trigger warning: Self harm This was written to be spoken word poetry put to music and such; maybe some day I'll do that but for now, here it is in its plain ole typed form. Scars   I am not my scars Or any of the things that have happened to me. I'm not the [...]

A Lifetime of Running from My Own Presence

Therapy is a lot like school: there is homework. But, it's life homework. Presumably the kind of thing that makes us better versions of who we already are. I don't know. I haven't decided if there is truth to that but I'm doing the homework anyway. Because I've always been a tenacious student and I'll [...]

Dehumanized: I Become My Mental Illness

The last place one would expect to be dehumanized and belittled because of Mental Illness is at a hospital. Or, at least that's what I would have thought. Apparently I was wrong. The medical community doesn't have compassion for people with mental health issues. They're clueless. And, they're causing more harm than they're doing good. [...]

You’ve Got to be Willing to Risk Failure

Tonight I realized two things: 1) If I want to see myself grow, I've got to be willing to risk failure. I have to be willing to venture into the unknown, to walk away from all my familiar surroundings. 2) For years, I have been adamant that I wouldn't believe in God because God was [...]

Seeing the Unseen; or, the Package Hidden Under the Welcome Mat

This week Amazon delivered a rather substantial package to my apartment and, because the delivery man thought I was not home, the package was placed under my welcome mat. Can we consider for a second how ludicrous this actually seems? I'm not particularly good at measurements, so I'm sure I can't accurately convey to you [...]

When Hurt People, Hurt People

I'm about to do something I never do... post right after a therapy session and while I am still feeling raw about an experience I had today. Actually, an experience that has been prolonged for weeks. However, resolution was just achieved today. And, sometimes, resolution sucks. It's almost better being in limbo, not knowing if something is [...]