My Truth: Living w/Passive SI

Today was a big day for me. It may not be considered a big day for most people but for me, for someone who has struggled for decades with passive suicidal ideation, it is a big deal what I accomplished in these last few minutes. See this line of pills bottles: I've been holding onto [...]

Life as a Teenage Beauty Queen or Creating the Feminine Machine

This is an old one and a long one but hopefully worth the read still: I would like to invite you on a journey, not across space, but across time, my time, the time I spent living in the body of a teenage beauty queen. This isn't science fiction; there won't be a time machine, [...]

This isn’t where I thought I’d be

As I approach almost 30 years of life and I take inventory of where I have been and where I am, I realize, I am no where I thought I'd be. I never thought at 29 I would be waking up at 7:30am to break-up texts because I wasn't ready to be more physically affection. [...]

Life Update

I've been doing a lot of waxing philosophical lately and I've got to tell you, it is an avoidance tactic. I kept trying to will myself into this amazing life of hope and enthusiasm. And, for a while it worked. But, not everything has been great. So, here is just a general life update. Group [...]

Finding My Edge

This week for yoga teacher training I had to write an essay about how I find my edge. In this case edge is being defined as, "a place of comfortable discomfort, where growing and healing happens." However, when I think of edge, the word is riddled with negative connotations. Edge to me is the sharp [...]

Poem: Scars

Trigger warning: Self harm This was written to be spoken word poetry put to music and such; maybe some day I'll do that but for now, here it is in its plain ole typed form. Scars   I am not my scars Or any of the things that have happened to me. I'm not the [...]

Seeing the Unseen; or, the Package Hidden Under the Welcome Mat

This week Amazon delivered a rather substantial package to my apartment and, because the delivery man thought I was not home, the package was placed under my welcome mat. Can we consider for a second how ludicrous this actually seems? I'm not particularly good at measurements, so I'm sure I can't accurately convey to you [...]

When Hurt People, Hurt People

I'm about to do something I never do... post right after a therapy session and while I am still feeling raw about an experience I had today. Actually, an experience that has been prolonged for weeks. However, resolution was just achieved today. And, sometimes, resolution sucks. It's almost better being in limbo, not knowing if something is [...]