My Truth: Living w/Passive SI

Today was a big day for me. It may not be considered a big day for most people but for me, for someone who has struggled for decades with passive suicidal ideation, it is a big deal what I accomplished in these last few minutes. See this line of pills bottles: I've been holding onto [...]

The Reality of a Wellness Check

If you live in America, you may already know what a wellness check consists of, but for those who've never had the police called on them to "check on their safety" then I'm going to let you know exactly what happens and how you will be treated, at least how you will be treated in [...]

Depression Has No Face

In light of the recent deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, almost everyone is talking about suicide. We all have our own opinions and our own takes on suicide and depression (though suicide doesn't necessarily have to mean the person was struggling with depression; there is just a pretty good chance that was the [...]

16 hours of sleep and PMDD

I'm going to do that thing Society says women shouldn't do: talk about my period. If this makes you squeamish then maybe don't read this one. If you're someone who struggles monthly, perhaps you'd like to read on. Last night/yesterday, I slept for 16 hours. This is coming from someone who typically just can't ever [...]

Sanctuary from a Dim World

Sometimes even the brightest lights don't shine quite as brightly as they usually do. Even the sun is obscured today, making for a world that is literally and figuratively dim. The fog has been acting as a thick blanket this week, effectively erasing tall buildings, cars, people. It's a strange experience of the world. My [...]

Friendship in the Tsunami of Sadness

Today the weather matches my mood. I am a tsunami of Sadness. I am, quite frankly suicidal in the has a plan and could act on it kind of way. Today I contemplated suicide in a way more serious than I have in ages. Had it not been for the consistent company of my best [...]

The Bravery of Choosing to Live

I want to speak candidly about something society tells us we aren't allowed to talk about because it's dark and scary: suicide. What if, every morning when you woke up, you had to choose to keep living? You had to choose to make your lungs keep drawing in air. You had to choose not to [...]