Planning Birth as a survivor of SA

TW: talk of sexual assault/rape, please be in a safe place with support if this may act as a trigger. As you likely know by now, if you've read my previous posts, I am currently "as big as a house" pregnant. (Okay, okay, 35 (almost 36) weeks pregnant). I am discovering that as my estimated [...]

BPD and Boundaries

Forewarning, I am about to say some controversial shit! The general consensus when working with or being in relationship with someone who has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) is to have strong boundaries. What this often translates into is rigid boundaries. And, let me tell you, if that isn't the worst thing I've seen for people [...]

New Podcast

I am super excited to see where this goes. I decided to create a podcast... because I can. 🤷‍♀️ This is what I am hoping: 1) that it be a place where people can feel free to submit the questions they've always wanted to ask their therapists but have been too afraid or too ashamed. [...]

Missing a Therapist

I think there are probably quite a lot of people out there who are wondering: why do I miss my therapist so much between sessions? Or, maybe, like me, their therapist has moved states, referred out, or some other variation of ending the relationship; and, they find themselves feeling a deep sense of grief they [...]

Self-Compassion Letter

My TS therapist has been trying to get me to write a self-compassion letter for ages. I haven't done it because I'm stubborn and it seemed difficult. After a few tough weeks of no therapy and then a few tough weeks of therapy, she brought the letter up again. This time I figured I would [...]

Life is still happening

I feel like I've been doing an awful job of keeping up with my blog lately. A lot has happened in my life. K and I had our last session. So heartbreaking. I had my first session with J, since K left. It was decent, nothing to phone home about. I'm just hoping the connection [...]

I’m Human and I’m not Sorry

After my first year in the Clinical Mental Health Counseling graduate program at UT Tyler, I recieved this as my annual review results: I met expectations and exceeded expectations on every category. This year, the faculty decided that I did not meet expectations in almost all areas. These are the results I recieved today: If [...]

Hiking Therapy

Recently, walk and talk therapy has become a thing. In the wake of K leaving (she and I have our last appt. June 20th), I've considered whether or not I want to stick with EMDR. And, I've considered things like walk and talk therapy because I love the idea of bringing the progress outdoors, where [...]

Gratitude and The Sh*t I Don’t Want to Say

This post serves two purposes: I want to celebrate the incredible gifts I've received in therapy but I also want to explore my story, the shit I don't want to say. I've been down lately, in one of the valleys of my recovery. I've built this incredible foundation in my team of mental health professionals [...]

My Truth: Living w/Passive SI

Today was a big day for me. It may not be considered a big day for most people but for me, for someone who has struggled for decades with passive suicidal ideation, it is a big deal what I accomplished in these last few minutes. See this line of pills bottles: I've been holding onto [...]